SUNDERLAND ACCUSED OF BLASPHEMY, GUS POYET LABELLED ‘ANTICHRIST’

Resurgent Sunderland could be ending their season on a sour note after local churches have labelled the club a "source of blasphemy" and manager Gus Poyet an 'Antichrist'.

Poyet first claimed, prior to the team’s recent upturn in form, that they required a ‘miracle’ to survive before making a ‘leap of faith’ and placing confidence in striker Connor Wickham and whilst these comments themselves drew only mild concerns from those of a religious disposition, some within local churches felt inclined to look deeper. We spoke to Reg Thompson, a vicar at one of these churches.

“We weren’t happy at hearing Mr Poyet’s comments, using religious terms for his own gain is blasphemous and we had plans to write a letter to Sunderland F.C. advising them as such but we began to hear rumours of more ominous things taking place at the club and sent some missionaries in for a closer look. What we uncovered would make any Godly man shiver.”

Thompson went on to explain what they uncovered that has led to them labelling Poyet the ‘Antichrist’.

“Our missionaries observed a training session led by Mr Poyet and saw him placing his hands over players to ‘bless’ them ahead of important football matches, he sits them down on the eve of these matches round a table for supper and claims that the food and drink he offers represent his body and soul that he has poured in to the club and that by consuming them, the players become one with him. What was even weirder was that he only had five loaves of bread yet managed to feed the entire squad. It’s unnatural and ungodly. Something needs to be done to put an end to this Antichrist.”

What the Reverend Gus could be on the verge of inciting

The local churches are planning a protest at the Stadium of Light, to enlighten fans about the methods being used by their club.

It is not even the first time this season that a Sunderland boss has gotten them in to trouble. Sacked manager Paolo Di Canio caused trouble earlier in the season when he planted a horse's head in Alan Pardew's back garden.