WORLD CUP PREVIEW: GROUP A

With the 2014 World Cup tournament in Brazil just 8 days away, TIF News Desk are previewing the competition group by group and team by team.

We start with Group A, a group somewhat overshadowed by David Cameron, TV talent shows and llamas.

Brazil

Brazil is known for many things; its nuts, its waxes and Alan Brazil but it will be exposure of a different kind with the country hosting and competing in a football tournament.

Indeed, up to this point football is such a minority sport, played by so few people that players do not even need to submit their surnames when registering to play, first names are enough to identify them.

Usually hosting the World Cup tournament leads to an extra level of pressure on a side to succeed but that is something Brazil at least will be able to avoid due to the lack of interest for the sport in the country and perhaps the ability to play with the pressure off will lead to a Brazilian side playing with freedom and giving these little-known Brazilians the chance to become household names. Household names that will require surnames also!

TIFND prediction: Whilst expectation may not be great, giving the Brazilians the freedom to express themselves, it is difficult to see Brazil progressing beyond the group stage and we do not believe they will.

Man to watch: Brazil have drafted in former Black-Eyed Pea Will.I.An and he will be the man to raise the bar in terms of quality in this side.

Did you know? Football only began to be played in Brazil in 2003.

Cameroon

There have not been many more controversial sides to compete at a World Cup tournament than Cameroon. Indeed this goes beyond the football side of things to a question of ethics as to whether or not David Cameron’s team of adopted Africans should be allowed to take part.

The arguments have raged on and the suggestion of political influence being used has been a hot topic with several football associations voicing their displeasure at the UK Prime Minister’s actions.

Of course, these arguments are moot now as Team Cameroon are at the tournament and the Cameron family have done a good job on the recruitment front though questions have been raised over the selection of elderly striker Samuel Eto’o.

Controversy notwithstanding, Group A is looking a tough proposition for all the sides involved and Cameroon are something of an unknown entity but David Cameron will be hoping this allows his side to surprise others and go further than others may anticipate.

TIFND prediction: Cameroon are a difficult side to make a prediction for but we think that they will cause a few shocks and qualify from the group stages and make it to the semi-finals.

Man to watch: Benoit Assou-Ekotto. The Tottenham man is expected to have a t’riffic World Cup.

Did you know? Defender Henri Bedimo once set fire to his own eyebrows.

Croatia

Croatia failed to qualify for the previous World Cup tournament and it was this failure that led the Croatians to cast their net wide in looking for potential talent to take them forward.

Now, their entire squad is comprised of the winners of a Croatian TV program ‘Hrvatska Zec Nogu Gorusice Lice’ (translation: Croatia Must Win More Football Games) and the array of talent they have assembled is rather impressive.

Igor Bubnjic, who is set to play as a defender, wowed the judges on the show with an expert display in tiddlywink-stacking whilst forward Mario Mandzukic hopped on one leg for an hour whilst singing the discography of Billy Ray Cyrus. Even coach Niko Kovac was recruited via the show, putting in a sexy burlesque dance performance to impress judges and the Croatian public.

Can this supremely talented squad erase the memories of previous World Cup failures and penalty shoot-out defeats at their last major tournament, Euro 2012? They qualified for this tournament via the playoffs but will be looking to turn what, on paper, looks like a fantastic squad in to results on the pitch.

TIFND prediction: It is hard to look beyond a team with such riches in talent available to them and we believe Croatia will win the World Cup.

Man to watch: Sammir. After failure to be selected for the French squad, Sammir made sure he would be at the tournament anyway by choosing to represent Croatia, sealing his place in the squad by impressing coach Niko Kovac with his pole-dancing skills. He will be keen to make an impact to prove France wrong.

Did you know? Midfielder Luka Modric once represented Tottenham Hotspur at Crufts.

Mexico

The Mexicans are a surprise entry in this year’s tournament after football was banned in the country at the end of 2012 following an incident in the country that led to six llamas escaping a zoo during one of Club Leon’s games.

Believed to be a rebel group operating out of Guatemala, the Mexican squad has assembled itself and, though they had to forfeit two qualifying games when they were raided by Mexican police, they managed to qualify for the tournament after a playoff victory over New Zealand. Our reporters attempted to speak with the mysterious head coach known only as M.H. but were rebuffed for fears we were spies for the Mexican football association.

Given the hardship the team has had to endure, many people of other nations have taken to supporting the Mexicans and backing their campaign for success at the tournament.

The Mexicans will be looking to overcome all the odds and convince their football association that football can be a force for good, not just for llama hustling.

TIFND prediction: With the underdog tag and the support of many, we believe the Mexicans will emerge victorious from Group A and make a run to the quarter-finals, turning the heads of the football association who will lift the ban on the sport. A major motion picture will follow starring Ray Winstone.

Man to watch: Javier ‘Chikorita’ Hernandez. Mexican grass-type Pokemon. Watch out for his Razor Leaf attack.

Did you know? In Mexico, no one can hear you scream.