WORLD CUP PREVIEW: GROUP D

The World Cup is a mere 5 days away now and TIF News Desk are previewing the competition group by group and team by team.

Today we take a closer look at Group D, a group somewhat overshadowed by Waylon Francis, Waylon Francis and Waylon Francis.

Costa Rica

With Costa Rica not being seen as a major power in world football there aren’t too many who see them having much of a chance of qualifying from Group D but TIF News Desk has learned of a secret plan orchestrated by the Costa Rican football association and head coach Jorge Luis Pinto.

Not being blessed with a naturally world class player, the Costa Ricans have decided to make their own. Eyebrows were raised when the experience of 93 cap striker Alvaro Saborio and midfielder Carlos Hernandez were both overlooked for the final 23 man squad for the tournament but it is understood that the pair, both 32, were considered at an age where they could be salvaged for parts to serve the greater good.

Waylon Francis is far from a household name and in fact has only been playing football professionally since 2013 and it transpires this is due to Costa Rica having created him from parts of other players in a bid to have their own world class talent.

Whether Francis alone can lead Costa Rica to World Cup glory is the question on everybody’s lips and the answer awaits us with Costa Rica’s opening game against Uruguay.

TIFND prediction: Waylon Francis is the player of the tournament, scoring goals for fun at one end and keeping the opposition out at the other. Costa Rica win group D but come unstuck when Francis’s immune system rejects the foreign limbs sewn on to him and he literally falls apart. They go out in the second round.

Man to watch: Waylon Francis will set the tournament alight.

Did you know? Waylon Francis

England

For a nation whose confidence rarely falters and will usually support its team no matter what, their patience is being tested by manager Roy Hodgson’s insistence on moving away from the tried and tested methods of underperformance and elimination on penalties.

Leaving out players such as Tom Cleverley, Andy Carroll, Ashley Cole and Ashley Young and drafting in the likes of Luke Shaw, Adam Lallana, Raheem Sterling and Ross Barkley has led many England supporters to claim that Hodgson has gone too far from what is expected of and England team and is in danger of achieving progression.

Indeed even the players have been unhappy with veteran defender Cole vowing to never play for England again and Ashley Young to take time out from a coaching session with Tom Daley to say that he felt Hodgson was a fool for not picking players based solely on the team they play for domestically.

Whether or not Hodgson has gone too far or if his gamble will pay off remains to be seen.

TIFND prediction: Hodgson’s New England will take the tournament by storm, showing attacking fluidity and creative expertise, they will reach the final and win the World Cup, bringing back the glory of the Summer of 69.

Man to watch: Phil Jones. The defender is sure to make a great number of unforgettable faces during the tournament, we look forward to Lionel Messi pulling up short after breaking through the England midfield only to see Jones in front of him. Waiting. Gurning.

Did you know? Hodgson’s shake-up of the England setup means that for the first time since 2001, John Terry has slept with less than 50% of the squad’s partners.

Italy

The Italians qualified with relative ease for the finals in Brazil, not losing a single game in their qualifying group however whether they will even make it to the tournament has come in to question after the Road to the World Cup in the country wasn’t finished on time.

Before every World Cup, much emphasis is put on how each team will get there but budget cuts in the Italian transportation department led to strikes being called by workers in the country and as a result, Italy’s road to Brazil has not been completed.

Whilst contingency plans are in the process of being drawn up, it is not thought that the Italians will reach Brazil in time for their opening game with England, casting doubt over whether they will now be able to qualify from the group.

Head coach Cesare Prandelli has called on his squad to do what they can to make it to Brazil on their own if necessary. Antonio Cassano is believed to be hitchhiking whilst fellow striker Mario Balotelli has stolen a private jet, loaded it with fireworks and he at least is expected to make good time.

The race is on for Italy, if they can make it to Brazil they are sure to be competitive but that is by no means a guarantee at this point.

TIFND prediction: The Italians will fail to reach Brazil in time for their first group match and forfeit it, meaning an uphill battle to qualify for the second round which they will fail to do after Mario Balotelli sets fire to the team bus on the way to their second game with Costa Rica which they then also have to forfeit.

Man to watch: Gianluigi Buffon. The goalkeeper is 53, appearing in his 44^th major tournament. Now part cyborg, the Italian captain is still going strong.

Did you know? Fiorentina’s Giuseppe Rossi was cut from Italy’s final squad after it transpired he had been planting dictionaries in teammates lockers to improve their vocabulary.

Uruguay

TIF News Desk’s roving reporter Cheg Dante asked the hard-hitting questions to find out more about the latest incarnation of Uruguay:

This is the first World Cup for this new Uruguay franchise. Previously located in South America, the new Uruguay rests in Beijing, having been bought out by China's wealthiest man, Wang Jianlin. National coach Óscar Tabárez is known locally as El Maestro (The Teacher), for his speed at pulling his players off the pitch when it rains, and his insistence on making his players watch Disney films on the last day of the season.

Not since the early 18^th century has a Uruguayan franchise seen World Cup success but Tabárez is viewed upon by many as just the kind of man to bring back that winning feeling inside.

TIFND prediction: Group D is as enigmatic as Uruguay themselves are making it impossible to predict how this side will go but we are certain they will draw their opening game 1-1 with Costa Rica, beat England 1-0 and beat Italy 2-0 and narrowly miss out on qualifying for the second round.

Man to watch: Gaston Ramirez. Uruguay's game against England lies on Never Again Day, a public holiday. Last year Ramirez, of Southampton, vowed to Never Again play a full 90 minutes, and has managed to stay true to his vow so far but will his country’s needs outweigh his beliefs?

Did you know? The capital city of Uruguay is Montevideo which, when translated, means ‘Home Movie’. It is believed this is due to the Uruguayans love of amateur pornography.